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There is no one thing...

However, some of the things I most hear in my practice are —

• We don't communicate.
• He doesn't listen.
• She doesn't care.
• He's never there for me.

Lack of connection is a major factor in the breakdown of relationships all over the place... at home, at school, at work.

Many of us are too busy to realise that the reasons for not communicating is primarily the shortage of time we put aside for having the chance to communicate.

Standing in line at the supermarket the other day I was becoming anxious because the checkout person was looking around the shop as she processed the customer before me... and it was a slow process. When am I getting served? I thought as I looked around for a anothe,r perhaps emptyt, checkout.

Her name label was “Anita. Assistant Supervisor.” She was doing two jobs at the same time and neither of them was she doing well. Only when she stopped the checkout, went to to the wall phone and issued a request for more staff did she manage to do both jobs well. She had to stop one to do the other.

We are often praised for working quickly and for multi-tasking. What is often not recognised is the quality of the work done under the multi-tasking banner. In a call center job I had when I was a student the calls in and out were logged and the supervisors allotted extra shifts, after-hour shifts and overtime to those who were... you guessed, the fastest. Never mind the quality of the call, it was the speed that was rewarded.

In less frantic days, the family connections were strong. Lots of cousins and grandparents, aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters ... all contributing to a wholeness and connectedness that provided an enormous support to each member of the family, the network.

Today, “networking” is seen as the god of all things. From FaceBook and My Space to “Breakfast Workshops (Bring plenty of business cards, you're sure to need them.” The better the networking the better the business. The more “friends” the better you are. I'm tempted to say “slow down” or “slow up” ... I'm not sure I want you as my “friend” if we are only going to be communicating through email or message-board. I want my friends to be of the old fashioned type... where we meet up occasionally, have a drink or go to a film, discuss philosophical ideas over coffee, walking in the park. When potential had meaning.

The only thing for certain is that everything changes. The rate of change increases. If you want to hang on you better speed up. That is the message of today. It could however be useful to remind everyone that our basic needs never change. The need to be seen and appreciated! It is the need to belong. The need for nearness and care, and for a little love! This is given only through slowness in human relations. In order to master changes, we have to recover slowness, reflection and togetherness. There we will find real renewal. Professor Guttorm Fløistad